This weekend, I saw my friend waiting outside of his door. I drove over to him to see what he was doing, but he was already on the way in by the time I got there. This conversation happened via text messages, following the incident.
PAT
Haha were you locked out?
ANTWON
Nah, I was just waiting for my dad to park
PAT
Unfortunate, that. Were you locked out, I'd've suggested you come in the car for a quick tug on my winky.
ANTWON
Now you just ruined my day... Thanks, prick.
ANTWON
:)
PAT
A prick you say? Why, sir, I do declare you... a cunt. A cunting cunty cunt.
ANTWON
Take it back............. TAKE IT BACK!!!!!!!
PAT
The only thing I take back is every single wank I have ever committed in your image.
ANTWON
Is that correct, Richard? Well I hope you obtain the wanker's cramp now and every future wank you ever wank. Pecker.
PAT
How dare you!
ANTWON
Yes, how dare I! I am a vewy dapper darer and I find that quite risible every time that the wanker's cramp happens to haunt you. Har har har.
ANTWON
I'll be enjoying my daily cup of tea after tennis.
PAT
The next time I see you, I will feed you spoonfuls of my freshly milked semen in a spoon fashioned from your own castrated member.
ANTWON
You won't be able to produce a bloody drop from the amount of pain and misery you will experience when the wanker's cramp hits you. You will be able to fetch me a cup of tea infused with bollocks from your blighter. Sir!
PAT
Piss off, yer buggerin' git!
ANTWON
Goshdarnit, Richard, you just won't leave me alone you bloody muppet. I just might sleep with your wife Gertrude tonight and let her have a little wank of her own.
PAT
Leave Gertrude out of this, you vile rapscallion of a prat!
ANTWON
Why should I? She will never date another eejit like you when I am done "conversing" with her. Perhaps I have the only richard she'll ever need. VERY WELL!
PAT
Very well indeed! I shall be the bigger man, and end this. (Also, you're a bleedin' twat, mate.)
ANTWON
Okay this quarrel is over with, Richard. Might I just add... Fuck you!
PAT
Fine! I'm done! No more!
(eat shit)
ANTWON
I shall not bother with you anymore... bumblefuck.
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